I never wanted to be a widow, not that anyone does, but when I began this journey twenty months ago, all I could feel was extreme pain and loss. I knew life as I had known it was over and it was.
I recalled how eagerly I had approached my wedding day almost thirty-three years before. Marriage was what I had dreamed of all of my life, and even though it came with many adjustments, I loved my role as Mike’s wife.
I thought of other dreams that were fulfilled during those precious years of marriage….the title of “Mom” was probably the most awesome, although becoming a grandma ranked up there, too!
Each one of those new assignments had come without instructions but eagerly I had searched for information that would equip me for each role. I had talked with others, read books, and investigated anything that would help me to be a better wife, mother, or grandmother.
Then abruptly, over night, I went from wife to widow – I didn’t recognize it then as a new role. I just saw it as an ending of my dreams.
Yet finally, after many months of grieving, I realized that I stood with a choice: I could learn to embrace this as a new assignment and expect God to bring forth glory, or I could remain a broken vessel. Then I prayed, “God, help me to see the hidden treasure in this darkness.”
What treasure have I found so far?
· As I have learned to embrace this path as one chosen for me by God, my “alone” time has become precious time with Him. Isaiah 54:5 says “your Maker is your husband!”
· As I have learned to look to Him, expecting Him to turn this pain into glory, I have seen His hand move in wonderful and unexpected ways. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds me that “His plans for me are for good and not for evil to give me a future and a hope.”
· As I have learned to count my blessings in the midst of the ambushes of grief, my pain has been eased. James 1:2-3 does say to “Count it all joy when you go through trials and tribulations.”
· As I have opened my heart to others who are hurting, I have seen II Corinthians 1:4 fulfilled…”who comforts us in our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves received from God.”
Is this an assignment I would have chosen? No! But I am learning that there truly is treasure in the darkness. With His help, I will continue to search for it.
Isaiah 45:3 LT And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness--secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name
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