It is July of 2006 and the year has brought with it a continual saga of change. On February 17, which incidentally was my mom's 92nd birthday, my sweet daughter Jan died. It was an icy, snowy evening much like when Jan was born....one moment she was breathing and the next she entered Eternity. Later I would ask the Lord about Jan dying on my mom's birthday. Jan had been on Hospice for 4 years....it seemed no coincidence that her Homegoing would occur on that date......as I turned my eyes toward Him, He seemed to say to me, "your mom has prayed for Jan more than any other person throughout Jan's life...I chose to answer your mom's prayers on her birthday and give Jan the gift of healing." That brought me peace, and I was also able to share that with my mom.
May rolled around and it seemed it wasn't until then that the loss of Jan really sank in. I remember one day really realizing that Jan was gone. I had carried her close to my heart for her whole life and felt a strong responsibility all of her twenty-eight years. The realization that she was gone, and that I was no longer her caregiver brought with it another identity crisis for me. I remember thinking then "I just don't think I can take any more changes, Lord." At that time I was engaged and the thought of marriage even seemed more than I could possibly bear. It represented more major adjustments and challenges that I was just not emotionally ready for. More grief to face and news that would inflict pain on a gentleman's life that I really cared for. "Help Lord!" Then in the midst of all of this, I knew my mom's health was declining. I remember thinking, "Lord, I am certainly not ready to deal with the loss of my mom!" She and I were very close even though she lived in Mississippi..I would talk to her at least two to three times a day...on the morning of June 8th when I called to check on what kind of night she had, from what she described, I knew she had had a stroke. Oh my! Immediately I tried to get a flight to Mississippi....failing to find one, my son told me he would drive me the 12 hours and then he would catch a flight back to Oklahoma the next day. Today, July 28th finds me returning from Mississippi having spent a month there helping take care of my mom. She had still lived on her own but the stroke took her independence and a nursing home seemed the next step....a step that she chose, a step that brought grief to us kids.
At this point, I am numb yet in the midst God has given me the strength to continue by taking it one day at a time and putting one foot in front of the other. I must keep taking one day at a time and "do the next thing" that He puts in my path.
Jan's obit from February follows -"We find comfort today because Janice Marie , age 28, is at Home with the Lord. Entering this world at 12:54 p.m on January 1, 1978, Jan was Oklahoma City's New Years baby. On Feb. 17, 2006 Jesus called out to Jan 'let My little child come to Me' and she ran to Him with outstretched arms calling 'Daddy, Daddy, I'm finally home!' Jan, daughter of Pam & the late Mike, was born with a congenital heart defect that was discovered when she was 8 days old. Complications during surgery left Jan permanently brain damaged, but God used her life mightily to teach us many lessons. Jan's beautiful smile and fun loving spirit have been a delight to all who knew her and many lives have been changed by her life and her story. Not only did Jan find delight in people, but she was also delighted in listening to Children's Christian music. Her Christian tapes which normally could be found playing 24 hours a day. Jan is survived by her mom, Pam, her brother Ben, Ben's wife Stephanie, and their three sons, Jack, Will, and Sam. A very special thanks to all of the care-givers that have shared in Jan's life. Special thanks go to Bradford Village and Vista Care Hospice. Funeral services will be held at 2:00 p.m. Monday, Feb. 20, 2006."
