Anniversary of His Homegoing

It is five years today since my husband of 33 years went Home.  I still miss him everyday.  I made some huge mistakes along the way but I have survived with God's help.   AND finally I am learning to be "content in my present circumstances!" I am learning who I am and to press forward. 

Lately, I have been working a lot on scrapbooking and until recently, I still cried when I looked at the pictures. Now, I have sweet memories.  What a relief that even that pain has subsided. Then it took me five years to even sort the contents of my husband's desk, but I have it done now.   I know many people move through their grief more quickly and I wish I had been one of those.  I can only 'suppose' why my journey was so long...Perhaps it was because I never had a career and for most of my life, I was a caregiver to our handicapped daughter and my life was built around caregiving and my marriage.  So was my idenity.  It has taken time for me to embrace this place of singleness and see it as a gift, though not a chosen or wanted gift.  It's a new season and a new life.   The old season was sweet and I loved it but I can't stay there and must allow myself to move forward.  So I am diving into this new life!  

In God's Waiting Room

I moved to this home right after Mike's death and even then, I knew this was a temporary place to stop. I sorted as many of his things at that time as I could bear but moved much of it here. Five years later and the stuff remained as it was, either boxed or stuffed here and there. It overwhelmed me every time I opened a closet door, or looked in the attic, or stepped into my garage. Mike was a pack rat and I was too....I'd always kept the house looking nice but behind the closet doors and stuffed in drawers, and piled in the garage and attic, the stuff had overrun my life. Thinking of moving again was almost like a nightmare and I was too paralyzed to do anything about it. God met me right where I was and provided help in an abundant way!
First, a dear friend came along beside me and helped. Very gifted at organizing, her skills were put to the test here. In two weeks, with her help, we had gone through every drawer and closet in my home and tackled the garage. We spent days sorting through things and in the midst a friend of hers came to our rescue and provided extra insight. Then two more friends of mine came to our aid as well. I was in awe of His provision and my friend's giving hearts. Unbelievable strides were made. In the midst of it all, I made trip after trip to the Hope Center with my car loaded with donations of both Mike's stuff and mine. I took many things to my son's house and threw much away but little by little my house came into order pus I discovered that I really did have a three car garage! As soon as everything was as near perfect as it was going to be, a sign went up in my yard and the house went on the market. The housing market is slow right now and I have no idea if it will sell. I am at peace with whatever happens but if nothing else, the attempt to move has made me face a lot of "stuff'" and deal with it.  And as I have de-cluttered my home, I feel He helped me do much sorting in my heart as well. I had a lot of "stuff" there that needed to be dealt with.  My heart was overrun with guilt, fear, grief and much more. Like my house clutter, these wrong thought patterns had overwhelmed me for a long time, but I hadn't known what to do. But just as He brought me help for my home, He brought help for my heart in ways I could never have fathomed. All I can do is say, thank you, Lord and ask Him to please help me keep my house and my heart as clutter free as possible!