A New Norm

Here it is almost Christmas Eve. This will be my fifth Christmas without Mike after thirty-three with him. I have come a long way in this five years. I'd dreaded the holidays every year since his death and this year was no exception. I just wanted them to pass. This year the fact that my kids moved out of state & the month was filled with snow storms, ice storms, and cold weather normally would have done me in!  Normally even the thought of being alone in snow storms, power outages, and ice would have been my horror. BUT I have made it very well. Perhaps it's because a few weeks ago, I felt the Lord said to me, "Do you really believe I am sovereign?" Of course, my answer was "yes"! Then I felt He asked me that again,and then a third time...and I had to realize that if I really believe that He is sovereign, then I have to accept as from His hand all of the changes that have come my way. & I have to embrace the loneliness, knowing that He has truly said "I will never leave or forsake you!" I can with His help accept that all has changed and I AM OKAY!!! He is in charge...the loss, the change, THE CHANGE, the unknown..are in His hands. Thank You, Lord, for Your faithfulness. Thank You, for the lessons that You are teaching me. Thank you that you are strengthening me!

Trip Between Storms!

The weather man has told us we have a break in the weather(a short break)...we are supposed to be pounded with another storm tomorrow evening so this grandma headed to Tulsa to see her babies!  If the weather holds off long enough for me to head home tomorrow afternoon, I will! I have a new lap top and took these pics with the computer....the boys thought that was rather fun.  I found it bit challenging...attempting to turn the computer towards us, scrolling on the screen with one hand, and clicking the right button while trying to hold little ones and get a smile.  Challenging but FUN!   They are fast asleep and I am blogging to unwind!

Ice Storm - 2007

The ice storm started to hit late Sunday evening and by yesterday morning, by ten a.m...my entire addition and several around me had lost their electricity. Other areas lost it earlier--some later--the news has declared it the largest power outage in the history of our state with 500,000 families across the state without power. I called my kids in Tulsa and found their power went down in the middle of the night--about 2 a.m. At least I had it until morning. As the day progressed, I was dreading greatly spending the night alone in a cold and dark home so I was very thankful when a girlfriend invited me to her home for the evening. She lives about four miles away, West and North of me. I packed up my car and headed out to her house about 3 p.m. to make certain I was there before it iced more. Her power stayed on through it all. Thankfully mine was back on this morning. It has rained all day but is warm enough that it is not freezing...in fact, much has thawed and I am just now thinking to take pictures...so it looks much better out than it did. The icicles are almost gone...they were about seven inches long and hanging off of everything on my back porch earlier this morning. So with my heat and lights back on, I am delighted to be at home.

Now if this big tree doesn't have any of its branches break!

Cold Day But Warm Hearts and Fun Cookie Exchange!

There were ten of us. We baked our cookies and pooled them together. Then we met for lunch at my house, and we laughed a lot and did I mention, we did eat just a few cookies and everyone got to take home 4 dozen calorie filled treats.

For lunch we had Chicken Lasagna with salad and French Bread. I made a recipe of "Kissmas" Cookies and have included the lasagna Recipe and cookie recipe below.
Recipes:









































White Chicken Lasagna
Cook 8 lasagna noodles and set aside.

Saute in 1/2 cup butter:
1 cup diced green onion
1/2 cup diced celery
1 tsp. minced garlic
Add:
2 cans cream of chicken soup
1/4 cup of milk
1 tsp. Italian seasoning
1 large carton cottage cheese
8 oz. cream cheese'
2 cups cooked shredded chicken breast

Alternate in backing pan:
Layer of noodles
Layer of sauce
Shredded Monterey Jack cheese

Bake at 350 until bubbly and cheese is melted.

I made this a week ago and froze it..put it in the refrigerator last night and baked about an hour today. Tossed a salad, and baked some french bread!! Yummy!

Kissmas Cookies

1/2 cup shortening
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup brown sugar packed
1/4 cup sugar
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla or almond extract
21/2 cups flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup chopped cherries (drain them well)

Mix all of the above, stirring in cherries last. Make into small tsp. sized balls...roll in:

1 egg white beaten with 1 Tb. water. Then roll in:
Chopped pecans(It took me a little over 2 cups of pecans to have enough)...I had an asssembly going...rolled in the egg white and then rolled it in the chopped pecans....I flattened slightly and baked at 375 for about 12 minutes. As soon as they came out of the oven, I had 48 hershey kisses already unwrapped and stuck them quickly into the centers of the cookies. I baked them Friday night so you can look at Friday's blog and see them fresh out of the oven on the wire racks.

Baking Cookies!!!

Don't they smell good? : )

His Next Journey for me -Ecuador???

In this journey as a single wife, I am searching diligently to find purpose and joy in this unexpected twist called widowhood. I pray and look expectantly for Him to open doors for me to serve.
Our church took a medical mission trip to Ecuador this fall and the door swung wide open for me to go. I had never been out of the country yet a friend had asked me to go with them to get a passport about a year ago and I applied and got mine as well. Then a new friend wanted me to go with her on this mission trip and the timing was perfect for me to go. What a blessing that trip was!! The people were precious and the needs so great. Having been a caregiver for so many years to my daughter, the role of triage person--interviewing the people via an interpreter to find out their greatest needs--and then sending them on to the appropriate doctor--fit me like a glove. I felt very fulfilled to have a small role in helping a very needy people..the Quechua Indians. Thank you, Lord, for helping me find new areas of service and fulfilment.

Overcoming My Fears!

My friends all know that I am directionally challenged. I have blamed it on growing up in the hills and hollows of Southern Mississippi. I never remember hearing anyone refer to directions such as north, south, east or west. From my home eight miles out in the country, I recall places being referred to as "lets go down to town, over to the store, up to the church, and out to my brother's." Consequently, I find it difficult to know my directions unless the sun is distinctly in the East or West. So recently it came as a shock to me, my friends and my family when I decided to drive myself from Oklahoma to Mississippi. Since my husband's death, I have made all of my journey's by plane but the flights to Mississippi have gotten very tiring. With a three hour lay over in Houston and a 11/2 hour drive from Jackson to my mom's home, it only takes about 2 hours longer to make the drive. Since my mom has gone into a nursing home recently, I have tried to make the trip more often. So armed with a navigational devise, the Purpose Driven Life on CD, and insured with State Farm & AAA, I launched out on my first ever long road trip by myself. It was interesting, because that was one of the things that I would have never dreamed that I would attempt, but I felt it was one of the things God was prompting me to trust Him with. I drove half way the first day and stopped and checked into a motel that evening. It felt strange doing that alone but at the same time it also felt somewhat empowering. I arrived at my mom's the next day around 3 p.m. I had successfully completed the first leg of the trip! I enjoyed visiting my mom until late that day and was then able to visit with her on Sunday, and Monday morning before I headed back to Oklahoma. The whole trip, I only got lost once....then because I didn't know how to put the space in the word "Little Rock" on the navigational device. I listened to the whole book on my journey and parts of it twice. It was such a blessed time, and I know now I can go wherever He calls me to go. Another fear conquered! Another task done in His strength! What else do you want me to do Lord? I am ready!

The Realization of the Magnitude of the Loss

I am three and one half years down this road called widowhood and the pain and grief of the loss of my mate is still very overwhelming to my heart. On the day my husband took his last breath, life as I knew it ended. I realized that at the time but the magnitude of the loss would take a few years to sink in. Holidays would never be the same, relationships with others would be forever changed, as so many aspects of the life we shared were gone in an instant. I moved from married to single, from feeling loved to feeling alone, from a household of two to that of one, from a strong twosome to a lonely onesome, from grandma and grandpa with two sets of hands, and overnight, I became the sole decision maker. Since I hadn't had a career, I'd been one of those women who'd built their life around their husband's schedule. What I cooked, how I spent my evenings, my time, everything  revolved around him & his schedule. With his death, I faced learning a whole new language, whether financial lingo, house repairs, car repairs, etc or even what TV shows to watch (Men always hold the remote, don't they??)...I learned the buck stopped with me.

As a young woman, I had married early in life, leaving my parent's home to take on the new role of bride. I cherished that role and never desired anything but to be the best wife, mother, and helpmate that I could be. Now suddenly at age 52, over night after 13 months of watching the love of my life die, I knew half of me died as well and I knew that only God could make me whole again. Even so, it would take me a long time to learn to walk in that wholeness. But, I knew I must find those other single ladies out there who were also dealing with weekends and lawns and loneliness. I knew they were out there, I just hadn't known any very well before I became one. I also knew I had to learn how to let Him be my healer and my completer. I am still working on that!

Things I have learned along the way: There is nothing as lonely as the weekend....except holidays or birthdays. Somehow I managed the week fairly well, but when Friday hit, I knew the phone stopped ringing and the e-mail went silent. My married friends and family were busy with their families, as they should be., may I add...as I once was.  I had to learn to get a new plan. It took time but it gradually happened. In the midst of all of this, I knew that I had so much to be thankful for but in my pain, many times it was easier to focus on the pain and loss than to count my blessings. Once again, I knew that from the beginning and even wrote about it but during the course of grief, my thoughts have at times become pretty self focused. I guess it is much like smashing a toe, when the pain is severe, it's hard not to focus on that throbbing appendage. My cry was"but Lord, what about me? I hurt! I hurt! I am so lonely! I know You are there, but Lord, I am lonely and I miss Mike and our life!" I knew I had to learn to speak His Words back to him and say, "I hurt but You, My King, are more than enough. Lord, You have said that You will never leave or forsake me and I must rest there! You have allowed this to occur; help me now to allow you to do a mighty work in me."  And I did learn to do that but it took time in the process of grief.

And He continued to be faithful to me in the midst of my pity parties and grief.  One day, I talked on the phone with a new acquaintance who was also a widow, but a bit further down the road than me. As she shared, she said that all four of her children lived quite a distance away. Her husband had always driven as they made the trek to visit them. I loved how she put it..."you know, that baby sugar is so important,"so after her husband's death, she made the choice to strike out through the metro-plex of Dallas to see those grandchildren. She further shared that she views everything in her life as a training ground with the Lord and driving through areas that she would not have attempted before has been a step of faith for her.... she made the choice to pray, trust Him, and go for the whatever!.  I loved her attitude and knew that I wanted to be like her. More than that, I felt the Lord wanted me to be that way too! I believe He desires for all of us to face the challenges that come our way....embrace them, focus on Him, and go forth in our journey with an expectant heart.

So in this ever changing journey of faith, today I ask You, Lord, to help me be more like my new acquaintance and grasp more tightly to Your hand and walk forward with You, seeing once again that the title Widow is something You ordained as a part of Your training for me. Help me to not fail nor grow weary. Help my focus to stay on You and Your mighty power as my provider and comforter. May I truly know You as My Great I AM who 'am' more than enough for me! And Father, thank you for phone calls that come right when I need them the most. Thank you, my new brave friend!