Anniversary of His Homegoing

It is five years today since my husband of 33 years went Home.  I still miss him everyday.  I made some huge mistakes along the way but I have survived with God's help.   AND finally I am learning to be "content in my present circumstances!" I am learning who I am and to press forward. 

Lately, I have been working a lot on scrapbooking and until recently, I still cried when I looked at the pictures. Now, I have sweet memories.  What a relief that even that pain has subsided. Then it took me five years to even sort the contents of my husband's desk, but I have it done now.   I know many people move through their grief more quickly and I wish I had been one of those.  I can only 'suppose' why my journey was so long...Perhaps it was because I never had a career and for most of my life, I was a caregiver to our handicapped daughter and my life was built around caregiving and my marriage.  So was my idenity.  It has taken time for me to embrace this place of singleness and see it as a gift, though not a chosen or wanted gift.  It's a new season and a new life.   The old season was sweet and I loved it but I can't stay there and must allow myself to move forward.  So I am diving into this new life!  

In God's Waiting Room

I moved to this home right after Mike's death and even then, I knew this was a temporary place to stop. I sorted as many of his things at that time as I could bear but moved much of it here. Five years later and the stuff remained as it was, either boxed or stuffed here and there. It overwhelmed me every time I opened a closet door, or looked in the attic, or stepped into my garage. Mike was a pack rat and I was too....I'd always kept the house looking nice but behind the closet doors and stuffed in drawers, and piled in the garage and attic, the stuff had overrun my life. Thinking of moving again was almost like a nightmare and I was too paralyzed to do anything about it. God met me right where I was and provided help in an abundant way!
First, a dear friend came along beside me and helped. Very gifted at organizing, her skills were put to the test here. In two weeks, with her help, we had gone through every drawer and closet in my home and tackled the garage. We spent days sorting through things and in the midst a friend of hers came to our rescue and provided extra insight. Then two more friends of mine came to our aid as well. I was in awe of His provision and my friend's giving hearts. Unbelievable strides were made. In the midst of it all, I made trip after trip to the Hope Center with my car loaded with donations of both Mike's stuff and mine. I took many things to my son's house and threw much away but little by little my house came into order pus I discovered that I really did have a three car garage! As soon as everything was as near perfect as it was going to be, a sign went up in my yard and the house went on the market. The housing market is slow right now and I have no idea if it will sell. I am at peace with whatever happens but if nothing else, the attempt to move has made me face a lot of "stuff'" and deal with it.  And as I have de-cluttered my home, I feel He helped me do much sorting in my heart as well. I had a lot of "stuff" there that needed to be dealt with.  My heart was overrun with guilt, fear, grief and much more. Like my house clutter, these wrong thought patterns had overwhelmed me for a long time, but I hadn't known what to do. But just as He brought me help for my home, He brought help for my heart in ways I could never have fathomed. All I can do is say, thank you, Lord and ask Him to please help me keep my house and my heart as clutter free as possible!

Strongholds

I've been studying about strongholds.  II Corinthians 10:3-5   We are human, but we don't wage war with human plans and methods.  We use God's mighty weapons, not mere worldly weapons, to knock down the Devil's strongholds.  With these weapons we break down every proud argument that keeps people from knowing God. With these weapons, we conquer their rebellious ideas, and we teach them to obey Christ.  

As the devil's days grow shorter, we see strongholds growing stronger.  A stronghold is anything that ranks in a higher position in our mind than it should becoming the consuming force within us, rather than God.  It can control us so that it is the main thing we meditate on. A few obvious strongholds are unforgiveness, loss, grief,  various addictions etc.  Basically, anything that strangles the abundant life within us.  A stronghold consumes so much of our emotional and mental energy that our intended purpose lies dormant, squelched by the stronghold.  The stronghold controls our thoughts.  We are mastered by it.

Strongholds are like minefields.  They liter the path we're walking, attempting to prevent us from having a intimate, personal relationship with Christ.  Strongholds have strong holds on us. We have to identify them to start to break their hold on our lives.

Our pastor taught this last week on Strongholds within the church.   I saw very clearly that at different times in my life I'd been fooled by the enemy and fallen into one or more of these strongholds. 

1. Church-ism - diminishes the gospel to activities at church.  It creates a pretense that I'm living for Christ, but has me in a cycle of activities, not necessarily in relationship with Christ.
2. Legalism - ignores the fact that you can't please God by what you do.  It causes self-righteous attitudes, I'm doing it right.  It can keep us on a treadmill of being good/doing good.  WORKS, WORKS, WORKS.  A legalistic person thinks they are right.
3. Activism - Identity is reduced to standing up for what is wrong - we replace the relationship with Christ with fighting something. 
4. Biblicism - need to be expert students on the Bible.  Biblicism can replace the relationship itself with the Bible....We worship God, not the Bible. We've all probably met someone that has the bible in first place but they don't operate with a heart of love or radiate Christ.
5. Fellowship-ism - we should provoke one another to toward relationship with Christ.  If we replace the relationship with fellowship, then that too can become a stronghold.
6.  Mysticism - Worships emotions and experiences instead of pursuing relationship.   

We're called to be His salt and light and the enemy of our souls will detour us anyway he can.  He'll use good things that look right and deceive us.  He'll use bad things and then fill us with guilt.  He'll do anything to keep our focus away from the intimate relationship that Christ desires.  He's been successful with me in many areas...I want to break free and walk in victory.  His Word is my sword and prayer keeps me in communion with Him. Those two things are my path to victory.  With His word and prayer, He'll help us take back the territory the enemy has stolen.  We must choose to learn to think His thoughts about every matter rather than our own or the enemies and knock down the strongholds..  Gal 5:1b Stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery. 

Another New Year!

As I start into another new year, I am seeking to be more consistent with my time with the Lord.  So much of the time. I quickly read my scripture or my devotional and by the time I have finished, I don't recall what I just read.   I don't want it to be that way.  This morning I read this in Daily Bread:

You'll go forth a little stronger

With a fresh supply of grace,

If each day you meet the Savior

In a secret, quiet place..  

Too often, Lord, I am not even expecting You to speak.   I come doing my routine "duty"coming into a routine place rather than a secret place with You....hurting myself and hindering what You desire to do in my life and how You desire to speak.   Lord, help me to joyfully seek You, to expectantly listen for Your voice, and to know You want to do mighty things in the life of all Your children...even me!  Open the eyes of my heart that I may hear you!!  

Psalms 119:18  Open my eyes, that I may see wondrous things from your law.